dear incoming freshman,
all 12,000+ of you piss me off.
so, because im feeling a public service is in order, ill help you out on not sucking...before its too late.
GUYS:
-no more sleevless tshirts. you dont look tough, you look like a douche.
-get a haircut. the emo/skater/beatles look is gonna get you nowhere quick.
-yes, napolean dynamite was a good movie. dont quote it. you're lame.
-i dont want to hear how 'badass' your prom beach house was. it was probably just as cool when every other high school for the past 12 years went.
-its called an inside voice. use it.
-whilst buying books, dont say things like, "ahh, man. AP caclulus was pretty easy. im not too worried about these." news flash johnny mcmiddle-of-nowhere, youre in college now, not only will your professor not care if you pass, he'll most likely assign you enough online HW that youll be knocked down a few 'cool pegs' when hitting up the embarrassment known as 'jester tutorials.'
LADIES:
-there is no need to get so excited when greeting your girlfriends. unless she is on fire, dont yell and hug like you're trying to put out flames.
-you all have motorola razrs....that doesnt mean you need to have them out at every moment possible.
-put some clothes on. its summer, not spring break: MTV beach house.
-take the name tag off when youre not in an 'orientation group'. i dont care what your name/major/hometown is. and as much as your RA pretends to care, he doesnt either. he wants to get free room & board, and sleep with you. thats it.
-dont hold hands with your boyfriend. hes gonna cheat on you in the next 3 months.
hope this helps.
sincerely,
dubya
6 comments:
I totally agree with the RA stuff. That's all I wanted when I was an RA.
All so true. Especially the part about Jester tutorials.
neal, we know you did it for the personal growth and life experience...and late night 'fire inspections' (wiiiink.)
and becks, i was concerned that people may not be aware that 'jester' is a dorm. and i didnt mean 'jester' in a renaissance/kings court kinda way. although both make you look rediculous.
changed up the pic/display name.
yes. i am pretty badASS.
I say briefly: Best! Useful information. Good job guys.
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Your website has a useful information for beginners like me.
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