Saturday, April 07, 2007

dear brian williams,
whenever i watch The NBC Nightly News, you constantly make me feel like a chubby, insecure, uninformed 7th grade girl....i mean, your facial expression constanly reads as, "ummm, like, are you kidding me? concern for the gaza strip is sooo 2005! gaah"

your eyebrows are permanently in the position of either disbelief or worry. i cant really figure it out.
either way, its not comforting to hear about carside bombs, high gas prices, and serial killers when even you dont look too sure about it.
ill stick to katie curic. at least she'll inform me of the end of the world with a short shirt and a damn smile on her face.
sincerely,
dubya

Monday, April 02, 2007

dear beyonce,
thanks for giving me a reason to come back and blog it up.
everyone knows i loves me some B, but just thought id share some new videos you put out w/ your re-release of your album b-day.
everyones probably already seen your duo with shakira beautiful liar, and upgrade u:




however, you now gave us some new awesomness.

my favorite, is get me bodied:

i love seein kelly, michelle, and solange back in tha mix.
also, the dance moves at the end crack me up.

green light:




sista girl works it out in freakum dress:


and another of my faves, suga mama:


she gets down with her bad self!

people are sayin you may be gettin' a little over exposed.
but those haters can suck an egg.
sincerely,
dubya

Friday, March 09, 2007

dear spring break,
you officially start today, and lord knows i need you!
thanks for helping co-eds get down and dirty, lose their dignity, & not remember it the next day.spring break always entails stories of someone losing their bathing suit bottoms, someone sleeping with a real 'sea creature' if ya catch my drift, and someone passing out and getting extremly sunburnt.
all these things will inevitably happen. cross your fingers its not you.
however, if you dont want to make the pilgrimage to south padre island, cancun, etc, you can always stick around austin and go to South by Southwest.
SXSW is a better choice b/c you catch tons of bands, booze and bad ass-ness.
whatever people choose, i wish the best.
just dont get crabs.
sincerely,
dubya

Thursday, March 01, 2007

sorry ive been gone for awhile.
im absolutly swamped with school.
i gotta go to houston til sunday, so when i get back, ill update.
and yes, after researching, i saw it wasnt actually a leap year but a 'common year.'
youd think after 23 years of living, i would know the rules of the gregorian calendar! sheesh.
sincerely,
dubya

Friday, February 16, 2007

dear dr.phil,
you reaaally piss me off.
you look like a walrus, sound like a walrus, probably smell like a walrus, and are about as valuable to society as a walrus.your fat-ass head appears on tv every weekday, spewing out aweful advice to oprah lovin housewives and i dont know how much longer i can take it.
you write books about weight loss, however youre no crown jewel yourself, mr.mcgraw.
another thing you go OOON and OOON about is relationship advice. because youre such the 'expert' on the issue, i really want your marraige to fail. youre too pompus & too sure of yourself. its aweful.
sincerely,
dubya

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

dear valentines day,
im usually not a huge supporter of you, but just when i thought the art of romance was gone, i read a gem of a story.
apparently, an austin police officer dumped bleach on his girlfriend after she threw spaghetti at his house.
thats sweet. i hope these two really patch things up. although i dont know which person is crazier, the girl who throws supper at her bf's doorstep, or the guy who pours a few ounces of bleach on her.
so, in honor of Balumtimez Day 2007, go out to your local italian restaurant, order yourself some pasta with maranara sauce, and chunk it at your significant other.
beware of a little retaliation-bleaching though.
sincerely,
dubya

Friday, February 09, 2007

dear LeAnne Rimes,
im still trying to figure out how you went from this:
to this:

i whole heartily understand being embarassed by those chubby pics of years past. some us were cursed with a pre-pubescent fatness, and other lucky sons-a-bitches stayed trim from age 12-15.
but youve made quite the radical transformation. congrats!
hope you keep up the small waistline and amped up sexiness.
sincerely,
dubya

oh, PS- how incredibly sad is this song/video?

youre tuggin on muh heart strings LeAnnerz.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

dear intervention,
i loooove your show.
i suggest everyone flip to A&E on sunday nights for 2-hours of stelf esteem boosting. because nothing makes me feel better than saying, "wow. at least my life isnt that bad."
basically, intervention follows some pretty effed up people around town, and we get to sit at home & judge via cable television.
but this past weeks episode was a lil rough to watch b/c of the bulimic chick gagging herself with a toothbrush. but for every girl who tosses her cookies into a ziploc baggy, theres 6 drunken fools stumbling around/calling ex's/punching mirrors and fighting naked in the street!
so tune in. you will not be let down.
sincerely,
dubya

Friday, February 02, 2007

dear mika,
i recently stumbled across your music, and im already obsessed.
if people like scissor sisters, and such, theyll LOVE you.
ive had your jamzz on repeat, with no end in sight.
because im a swell guy, ill share with other peeps.

get ready to bask in the awesomness known as 'mika'. (click the links to play)
1. Love Today
2. Relax, Take it Easy
3. Stuck in the Middle

listen, learn & love.
sincerely,
dubya
dear spring 2007,
remember when i said last fall was stressful? ive changed my view.
THIS semester is 573 times worse. hence the lack of posts.
i know. classes have only been goin on for 2 weeks, but c'man, its felt like alot more.
im in class from 8am-6pm. with a 2 hr break. its extremly redick.
ill try to keep letters a'comin throughout the next few months of craziness, also known as 'wes holloways spring semester from hell.'
sincerely,
dubya

Thursday, February 01, 2007

dear deal or no deal,
could you be a crappier show? i submit NOT.
i dont know how people sit through an episode. all thirty minutes consist of a greedy-hyper-money lovin-retard, picking numbers.
theres no strategy, thinking, or entertainment ANYWHERE.howie mandel, the host, only gives people "fist love" because hes obsessive compulsive and doesnt shake hands with anyone (no joke.) news flash howie, if youre gonna be OCD, dont host a show where you have to greet strangers. just a thought.
sincerely,
dubya

Friday, January 19, 2007

dear extenZe,
i had never heard of you until i was flipping around on TV at like 3:30 in the morning, and your entire infomercial made me laugh.
the whole thing was set up as a 'show' called 'SEX TALK' in which random people on the streets were asked if theyve heard of you, and later a panel of women was interviewed.
everyone was overly enthusiastic about your product, and one shallow whore went as far to tell her infomercial-boyfriend, "if you stop using it, our relationship is over."later, 3 women came on, aaaall laughin' it up about how theyve had a "big" problem with below average men. however, i think we get the last laugh, because one of those actresses, err i mean 'experienced ladies', will be hangin' out, and somebody will say, "werent you that slut on television, talking about how you looooove big ole penis', and you just cant get enough of huuuge penis', and youve slept with soooo many guys that you consider yourself a connoisseur of penis.?"
sincerely,
dubya

Monday, January 15, 2007

dear ice storm '07,
apparently, you are one bad bitch.
youve caused the entire city of austin to shut down. and we all know, this town only shuts down for two things 1.) dead birds, and 2.) cold weather.there are a few things i love about this weather.
first, news stations eat this shit up! its like crack for meteorologists. the top story is always the current conditions, slippery roads, and inevitably they interview someone who was dressed in shorts and a t-shirt, "i didnt expect it to be this cold!"
second, classes are cancelled. how great is sleeping in when its cold, and you dont have to worry about anything?
lastly, everyones calling the weather a 'wintery mix' of rain, sleet, and snow.....wintery mix? whatever, it brings a smile to my face.
so everyone stay warm, go sledding, and buckle down til thursday.
sincerely,
dubya

Friday, January 12, 2007

dear madonna,
just wanted to give ya a holla, and say thanks!
thank you for dropping that god-aweful, fake, british accent.
as you make your media rounds promoting Arthur & The Invisibles, and subsequently stickin' up for everyones 2nd favorite, lesbian talk show host, youve seemed to have dropped the accent.
i cant help but feel like youre adopting babies of different countries, as well as adopting the dialect. before i get too far. do not start talking like a native Malawi woman.
so, once again, thanks! and keep up the good work.
remember your roots--the good ole U.S. of A--where you're more than welcome to go panty-less whilst getting out of a cab, and smack bubble gum during tv interviews.
sincerely,
dubya

Tuesday, January 09, 2007