Tuesday, November 14, 2006

dear TJ espinoza,
how excited are you about britney spears divorce from KFed, and her plan for a comeback?!?
you were in pretty much every britney performance, apperance, video, etc.
i bet you pee'd your dance pants, because youve been out of work since like 1997.

you guys were BFF, then she got all sexy & dropped your ass.
you probably thought you had the last laugh, when she got knocked up twice by a loser back up dancer (err, no offense).
welp, you were sadly mistaken.
sincerely,
dubya

ps-maybe you could take anonymous' advice and earn some money via the internet. lord knows if youre gonna get your j-o-b back w/ b.spears, you gotta be in tip top shape. as seen here:
dear anonymous,
stop posting comments on my page, trying to get me to "earn cash fast."
i get all excited that people are responding to some bad ass blogging, and instead its your mysterious ass givin' me financial advice.
im not cool with this. if i wanted to earn some money quick on the internet, i'd sell some crap on Ebay.
leeve-mee-'lone!
sincerely,
dubya

Monday, November 06, 2006

dear KFC,
you, like IHOP, arent healping on the fatness on americans.
you have this on your menu....this one ginormo-conglomeration of food contains mashed potatoes, corn, chicken and is covered in gravy and cheese!

it really reminds me of something my dad would serve us at the lakehouse after drinking a case of keystone lights.

"naaaw. come on guys! this is a mans meal!" -herb

...and we'd probably eat it b/c the only option would be hard easter candy from 1991 or frozen cool whip.
sincerely,
dubya

Saturday, November 04, 2006

dear IHOP,
you are one of many reasons other people hate americans.
a 24/7 feeding trough for the salivating fatties, itching to get their chubby paws on a stack of syrup drenched pancakes.
recently, youve been advertising for the return of your hit menu item...

the rooty tooty fresh 'n fruity kinda makes me sick just reading the contents:
-Two eggs, any style, crisp hash browns, two strips of bacon, two pork sausage links, two slices of ham and two fruit-topped pancakes.

yeah. bring the whole family! order yourself a cup of coffe, cause by the time you leave youll be diabetic.
the other thing that makes me question your establishment, is the uneasy fact that someone can order a steak or a basket of shimp in the same sitting. somethings not right here.
sincerely,
dubya