dear ashlee simpson,
you piss me off for multiple reasons.
1. you dated that circus freakshow/annoying as hell ryan cabrera
2. you cant sing....at all.
2a. youre famous because of your sister...who cant sing either
2b. both of you think singing consists of breathy notes and wierd, long yelling noises (always combined with the hand waving around)
3. your black haircut phase...which im guessing was a ploy to make you seem edgy and hip. mission failed. you looked homeless.
4. MOST RECENTLY AND IMPORTANTLY you were on Entertainment Tonight talking about hollywood weight issues and said "why cant people just be happy with who they are, and the way they look?" wait, werent you the one who just got a shnoz job?
as i wrote this i realized it seemed pretty dated, which leads to my next point--how are you still famous? im even more baffled by the fact that youre touring this summer. touring? really? what year is it again??
ashlee, youre a walking suck-fest. get out of my face, along with your creepy preacher dad, and your proactive selling, nick lachey heart breaking, robbie williams covering, no good, older sister.
sincerely,
dubya
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