sincerely, Dubya

dear escalators,
ever since i was a kid you've scared me. my mom used to say stuff like, "make sure you get off the escalator right away, or your shoe laces will get caught in it." that might be the most frightening mental image for a 4 year old.---a metal, revolving, staircase with sharp tooth-like edges, feasting on small children.---for this, i think you should spread public awareness that this doesnt happen....often. and tell your bitch-cousin, the elevator, to stop this 'out of order' business. its getting old honestly.
sincerely,
dubya