dear dr.phil,
you reaaally piss me off.
you look like a walrus, sound like a walrus, probably smell like a walrus, and are about as valuable to society as a walrus.your fat-ass head appears on tv every weekday, spewing out aweful advice to oprah lovin housewives and i dont know how much longer i can take it.
you write books about weight loss, however youre no crown jewel yourself, mr.mcgraw.
another thing you go OOON and OOON about is relationship advice. because youre such the 'expert' on the issue, i really want your marraige to fail. youre too pompus & too sure of yourself. its aweful.
sincerely,
dubya

dear valentines day,
im usually not a huge supporter of you, but just when i thought the art of romance was gone, i read a gem of a story.
apparently, an austin police officer dumped bleach on his girlfriend after she threw spaghetti at his house.
thats sweet. i hope these two really patch things up. although i dont know which person is crazier, the girl who throws supper at her bf's doorstep, or the guy who pours a few ounces of bleach on her.
so, in honor of Balumtimez Day 2007, go out to your local italian restaurant, order yourself some pasta with maranara sauce, and chunk it at your significant other.
beware of a little retaliation-bleaching though.
sincerely,
dubya

dear LeAnne Rimes,
im still trying to figure out how you went from this:
to this:

i whole heartily understand being embarassed by those chubby pics of years past. some us were cursed with a pre-pubescent fatness, and other lucky sons-a-bitches stayed trim from age 12-15.
but youve made quite the radical transformation. congrats!
hope you keep up the small waistline and amped up sexiness.
sincerely,
dubya

oh, PS- how incredibly sad is this song/video?

youre tuggin on muh heart strings LeAnnerz.

dear intervention,
i loooove your show.
i suggest everyone flip to A&E on sunday nights for 2-hours of stelf esteem boosting. because nothing makes me feel better than saying, "wow. at least my life isnt that bad."
basically, intervention follows some pretty effed up people around town, and we get to sit at home & judge via cable television.
but this past weeks episode was a lil rough to watch b/c of the bulimic chick gagging herself with a toothbrush. but for every girl who tosses her cookies into a ziploc baggy, theres 6 drunken fools stumbling around/calling ex's/punching mirrors and fighting naked in the street!
so tune in. you will not be let down.
sincerely,
dubya

dear mika,
i recently stumbled across your music, and im already obsessed.
if people like scissor sisters, and such, theyll LOVE you.
ive had your jamzz on repeat, with no end in sight.
because im a swell guy, ill share with other peeps.

get ready to bask in the awesomness known as 'mika'. (click the links to play)
1. Love Today
2. Relax, Take it Easy
3. Stuck in the Middle

listen, learn & love.
sincerely,
dubya

dear spring 2007,
remember when i said last fall was stressful? ive changed my view.
THIS semester is 573 times worse. hence the lack of posts.
i know. classes have only been goin on for 2 weeks, but c'man, its felt like alot more.
im in class from 8am-6pm. with a 2 hr break. its extremly redick.
ill try to keep letters a'comin throughout the next few months of craziness, also known as 'wes holloways spring semester from hell.'
sincerely,
dubya

dear deal or no deal,
could you be a crappier show? i submit NOT.
i dont know how people sit through an episode. all thirty minutes consist of a greedy-hyper-money lovin-retard, picking numbers.
theres no strategy, thinking, or entertainment ANYWHERE.howie mandel, the host, only gives people "fist love" because hes obsessive compulsive and doesnt shake hands with anyone (no joke.) news flash howie, if youre gonna be OCD, dont host a show where you have to greet strangers. just a thought.
sincerely,
dubya