dear prostrate,
you are the most uncomfortable word to say. i avoid using you in any conversation. for someone who is listening in, and uneducated in SAT vocabulary, they may think im talking about something totally different. for example, "man, i was so tired it was prostrate-madness all night!". that may be an extreme case, but you get my point.
sincerely,
dubya

dear wisdom teeth,
you are no longer with me and i miss you already. we spent about a year together and now we've gone our seperate ways. take care you guys...im glad we ended on a good note.
sincerely,
dubya

dear green been casserole,
upon feasting on christmas supper, i declare that you are deee-licious. i brushed aside the usual turkey, ham, and veggies. you have officially replaced your popular counterpart--mashed potatoes. just lettin' you hear the news, you're the shit.
sincerely,
dubya

dear jesus,
happy birthday!
sincerely,
dubya

dear hands that fondle silicon implants on the news,
i have, and will always be, jealous of you. not only for the fact your being paid to fondle implants on tv, but also cause it looks so fun. the way you play with them, it looks like a clear, boob shaped, stress reliever. i bet when the camera cuts off, you and all your friends have silcon breast implant fights.
sincerely,
dubya

dear barbara walters,
i saw you on 'late night with conan obrian' the other night. you looked like skelator, except worse. as if someone had draped thin, over-used, silly putty over a coat rack. then, i find this picture! seriously barb, no one wants to see a lil shoulder action from gradma. now i know why everyone cries in your interviews.
sincerely,
dubya

dear trina,
as 2005 comes to an end, the big story seems to be hurricane katrina. i was wondering, are you pissed that hurricane ka-trina stole your crown as 'da baddest bitch'...dont let it bring you down, besides, you always got 2006 and with those extremly raunchy lyrics, natural disasters aignt got nothing on you!
sincerely,
dubya

dear escalators,
ever since i was a kid you've scared me. my mom used to say stuff like, "make sure you get off the escalator right away, or your shoe laces will get caught in it." that might be the most frightening mental image for a 4 year old.---a metal, revolving, staircase with sharp tooth-like edges, feasting on small children.---for this, i think you should spread public awareness that this doesnt happen....often. and tell your bitch-cousin, the elevator, to stop this 'out of order' business. its getting old honestly.
sincerely,
dubya

dear dorthy jane torkleson,
did you ever get in touch with the man on the moon? and on a different note, your family was pretty white trash... especially chucky lee.
sincerely,
dubya

dear sharper image,
i got your catalogue in the mail the other day. it was pretty sucky. the first 15 pages were all ipod speakers, ipod holders, and basically a bunch of i-shit. stop the madness and go back to creating vibrating chairs that vacuum the floor or something.
sincerely,
dubya

dear beyonce,
i think i do want to "check up on it." oh, and tell your boyfriend he has some huge lips.
sincerely,
dubya
http://www.freefreevideos.com/item.php?id=19410

dear nate torrence,
you are flat out annoying! you have like 794 commercials on TV, and each one is equally aweful.
sincerely,
dubya

dear ciara,
so, like, are the rumors true? are you really a man?
sincerely,
dubya

dear red bull and jagermeister,
you two are trouble! however, i am so happy yall got together.
sincerely,
dubya

dear burton fitzsimmons,
you are the worst weather man EVER. news 8 austin made a huge mistake hiring your sorry ass.
sincerely,
dubya

dear seal,
how did you end up getting heidi klum preggers?
sincerely,
dubya

dear heidi klum,
thanks for giving me a catch phase. "either youre een, or youre out!"
sincerely,
dubya